WHY ALONE

I am always asked why I don't search for a man to spend my time with. I figure if one is in the future for me, he will find me. I am alone, not lonely.
I read a lot and love watching TV movies and specials and seeing the Travel Channel of places I would love to see. I have out lived two husbands.
The first one left me early in life and I was not so prepared for that. It scared me and it made it hard for me and my little boy. The second one, who I thought was soooooooooooooperfect (ha)
decided he liked a 20 year old better than a 45 year old who was starting menopause. Grrrrrr
That MADE me crazy mad. I was a nut case for about a year and then realized it was the best thing he did for me. I became myself for the first time since college. I could fly without carrying another on my back. I took art, photography, did trips to places a man hates to go (Disney World!)
wore micky mouse ears and acted like a fool.
We never seperated the business we had built up. It was a small family clothing store and we did not want the Lawyers to wind up with everything. Sooooooooooo we kept working together...
Oh yes, it was like walking through hell each and every day. But we did and we had a successful business that did super some years and fell to to bottom some years...those 7 day a week, 12 hour took its toll. I never got to see my son, his varous wives and kids and holidays were short because a retail store is open all the time. It wore me out. But in 2001, he was diagnosed with stage IV prostate cancer that had gone to his bones. I asked him to come home because i knew that the chemo, radiation and reduction of his male hormones were going to mess him up bad.
It did, we had an agonizing 2 years of treatment and without the wonderful help from his son and his first wife and some from my son, we would have failed but they were there and we were backup for each other. It took a whole lifetime out of his sons life, he was so dedicated to his dad and to the store where he worked . Without his help , it would have been impossible. Some days he would look at me as i was putting on his socks after bathing and changing the catather bag for him, and he would say that i was just like Jesus, washing the disiples (?) feet at the last supper. With tears in my eyes, I would reply that i was not, that I was more like The prostitute mary who washed Jesus' feet with her hair. He lasted 2 years. So Ladies get your men to take the psa test..earlier than then recommend...please. I would do it all over again, I felt honored to be able to care for him. It really takes a toll on your faith tho; I questioned God every day and got mad with Him too.
It took me a while to realize he gave me the strength I needed to get through this part of my life, that he always had given me strength that I never knew I had.